I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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