I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
