he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
