ya dads aren't the best wingmen
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
