just tell him i said nine months
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
