If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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