What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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