Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I AM VODKA MAN
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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