I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
