Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
