I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
