even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize