Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
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