I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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