My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize