i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
