Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
