he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
