well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
