that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Everything about him screamed your future.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
