My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
