Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
