found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She bit a glass in half.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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