I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
