Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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