I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize