there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
