there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
