Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
