then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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