I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
