Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
