yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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