I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just invented taco cereal.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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