I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Michael Bay diarrhea
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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