i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
