The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
