I didn't shave. On purpose
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
