3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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