Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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