Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
