so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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