I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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