we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
