Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
high people should be assigned attendants
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
