so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
