Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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