using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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