Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
