I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
well you can't waste a boner
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
