Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
