Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize