i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
