I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
