I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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