the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
