Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
