Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
