the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
