there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
