is your mom at the bar?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
