The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
