I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
