woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
