He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
