do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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